1. If someone asks you about your milkshake, just say NO!

2. When you're little, the teacher says "Learn your ABC's for Kindergarten..." In elementary school, the teachers say "Now, in middle school..." Then in middle school, the teachers say "Now in high school..." and in high school the teachers say "Now in college..." Then the professors say "Now, in life..." So what's after that? "Now, in death..." ?

3. Don't get mad, get Glad. But if it's too expensive to get Glad, throw your trash at the zombies.

4. If you don't understand someone, it's probably because they're speaking in tongues.

5. Don't let the kids near the cacti.

6. Remember to breath in and out, not out and in.

7. If vegetable oil is made of vegetables, and olive oil is made of olives... what is BABY oil made of? o.O

8. If you feel like you're under control, you're not going fast enough.

9. I wish that I was as invisible as you, NAVY SEALS.

10. If someone wears an eyepatch, 9 out of 10 times, they're a pirate.

11. Never sue the manager of the local grocery store... he may be your brother/father of your child... unless you're a guy... then... well... go eat a pasta.

12. A girl with PMS is like a lion in the grass, waiting to attack.

13. If you're allergic to old ladies, don't eat them... please. They don't even count as a free pizza coupon at Domino's if you eat them.

14. You can't live without your head or you won't know where you're going.

15. NO! at the disco.

16. Parents don't know everything, but ants do.

17. Any man who dresses like a woman can't be all that bad.

18. If your feet smell, cut them off.

19. There will never be world peace until orange becomes the new pink.

20. If you ever get swept off your feet, make sure they catch you or else you'll hit the floor.

21. If a puppet is moving/speaking without something shoved up its arse, RUN! Or find a baseball bat.

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(Note: The rest of these were come up with before the midnight premiere of Harry Potter 5)

22. Kill Harry Potter and the world will be at peace.

23. Hey Mr. Robot fish, put a sandwich on. I want to dance with some mayonaise.

24. Monkeys are smarter than most humans.

25. Jesus wept. Voltaire laughed.

26. Your mission is STUPID, your progress has been STUPID, your intelligence is STUPID!

27. Mary had a little lamb, fleece was white as snow. Everywhere that Mary went, the lamb coughed up a hairball.

28. Everyone has an evil laugh. It just takes the right sandwich to bring it out.

29. Real men wear tights... Where can I get one?!?

30. Noodling is having a catfish attach itself to your arm.

31. Love is a battlefield.

32. A horse with no nose wins no close races!!

33. Real men walk into Bath and Body Works to spray themselves with perfume.

34. Ron Weasley is a real man - Bath and Body Works, tights and all!!

35. If you don't have a flag, get one, or Eddie Izzard may conquer you.

36. Banana juice... on my shirt.

37. Sandwich...

38. Banana juice can cure the lame.

39. Beware the lame, they'll inherit your legs.

40. If you want to feel good, play Guitar Hero against Danielle.

41. The world would be a better place if Scarlett O'Hara had died... who has a bayonette?

42. Give me your sandwich, bitch!

43. Don't lose a sweater! ! (evil grin)

44. Shakespeare is the sexiest man to ever live.

45. Never trust jolly red men that smell like ham.

46. Don't get hot and flustered, use a bit of mustard.

47. You must get thrown in a pool once in your life with your clothes on so you may truly live.

48. Play your best, be your best... That's it.

49. Don't feed the animals... wait... feed the animals, but keep the pop away from Sam!

50. You can only count to 49. ... wait... shit.